For December 9, 2007, p 16-17, In Sinu Jesu
I was reminded to pray for priests today.
I’m not a priest-prayer. The long-suffering of the Church has left me with a severe degree of cope – after being a great admirer of the holy office of our priests.
I’d lived through the 2003 scandals, held myself aback from my own reactions, knowing the priests that I saw before me, the priests I knew likely had nothing to do with the horrific sufferings from the , 60s, 70, 80s, whatever time frame was referenced in the Dallas Charter.
I had to form my children in the Faith, I had to move on.
This time around, beginning with the McCarrick scandal, I gave myself a few weeks (months?) to be aghast and infuriated, but I was in a place in my prayer life where I didn’t want to be sullied by the hatred I saw in everyone else.. and myself. So I prayerfully put it aside and remembered what Our Lord had told countless saints about the love He had for His priests. I couldn’t betray Love’s love for these men, I would let Him handle it, I reasoned.
I would continue with my own interior life and help lead my family.
God gave me the grace to develop the capacity for intercessory prayer – meaning, I began liking praying for other people. I was drawn to it. It was refreshing to look beyond myself, my concern for my own sanctity, and pray for others. I hadn’t done that before.. I wasn’t raised that way. Sure, I’d “plug in” a name or two there in a prayer or two, but it was rote and obligatory, not from the heart. It doesn’t mean I’m doing it right, but I’m trying.. every with every occasion of prayer: lift up the heart, who is in need, what does God want?
Praying for priests was always the last thing that came to mind in prayer, if at all. With In Sinu Jesu, I can see that beginning to change very rapidly.
Because I love Our Lord very much. I see that He sees what’s happening in the souls of these men. He’s making it blatantly obvious in In Sinu Jesu, although we know from a theological and Faith-driven standpoint, that Of course He knows what’s going on! It’s just different when you hear it coming from the words of Our Lord. You process it different.
So, I prayed for them this morning. I placed myself at the feet of Our Lord and I asked for their conversion.
I asked for forgiveness for those who sinned last night.
I asked for protection for them, that they would not sin today.
I don’t know what else I asked for, it’s a blur, even though I’m only about an hour removed, but it’s a start.
I’ve never sincerely prayed for priests before. It’s different when you place yourself outside the realm of taking a position, possessing an opinion and approaching prayer in disinterested pure love – “disinterested,” meaning, you do something without the objective of gaining something for yourself. It’s kind of how Christ approached His own cross, I believe. He had nothing to gain, but He did it for us.
When I came back to the kitchen table after prayer, this was laying among my stuff. It must have fallen out of one of my books. I hadn’t seen it in years:
This is the page from In Sinu Jesu I’d been reading:
I type this here because I forget. I am a sinner and often drift away from my mooring. Jesus, Jesus, be my Savior be my anchor. Amen.
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